I want to give you my heart.

I'm finding it difficult to bring myself to study right now, because things are on my mind... like they ever aren't.

God's grace is so much more awesome than I ever realized before.

Show me your way, O Lord,
teach me Your paths, Guide me in Your truth and teach me,
for You are my God and Savior
and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:4


I want to make the right decisions, even if they are a ways off yet.

Back to College. Oh college...

I'm back at school, and classes started Tuesday. So many things are going on right now, and it's really pretty exciting, but it was such a relief yesterday to once again realize why I'm here and why I'm doing what I'm doing. I was reminded why I'm so passionate about the things I'm studying, and I was reassured that I am in the right place when my physiology prof shared these verses with the class yesterday morning:

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
Or the birds of the air and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish of the sea inform you.
Which of these does not know
that the hand of the Lord has done this?"
Job 12:7

His creation is simply awesome and so beyond anything any of us could ever imagine. The hundreds of thousands of animals and plants and their intricate details are enough more me to know that God is all powerful and all knowing.
What else would I be doing now but preparing myself for a life of caring for his creation. Learning more about it only makes us so much better equipped for his commands.

Ready or not.

Wait. First I need to clean out my fish bowl, because if something happens to my fish I will be absolutely devastated.

Ok. Done.

I'm not so sure what I want to write about tonight, besides the fact that I just feel the need to write a blog for some reason. There are only a few more weeks until school starts up again though, and I think I just want to get out a few thoughts about that.
Honestly, I can't wait to go back to school, live in a dorm room with Jenny, and be with my friends for the year again. But at the same time, even though I'm not far away, I hate leaving home and only seeing my family every so often.
I have good feelings about this year, however, and I think it will go better than last year in a number of different ways. It's not going to be such a big adjustment like last year was, and now that I know what I'm doing it'll just be somewhat easier I think.
I need to find something to do with a lot of my time, like get a job or something. I want a cool job, though, not just a random job working somewhere doing something totally random. Oh well, I'll find something I'm sure.

I'm ready for another fresh start to the year, new opportunities, and new people to meet. I'm going to go into this year positively, and try to dive right in. These next couple weeks are going to fly by, that I know.



But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. Hebrews 10:39
soooo, ready or not, here the year comes, and here I come. I won't shrink back.

Happy Birthday

A little bit ago I had to do one of the hardest things-- I had to put down one of my cats. It was such deja vu to be in that room at the vet's again, and relive everything that has already happened to me once before. But it was worse to sit and watch her suffer and struggle to breathe than to know that she's now in peace. And I'm not really sure what I believe on the issue, but as the vet tech said, "I wasn't brought up this way, but I believe that they'll be waiting for you."
It got me thinking about how important and meaningful animals are to me. In fact, I'm pretty sure the only reason I've cried this summer is over my animals and the void that I feel when they're gone. I honestly can't imagine what it would be like on earth if there were no animals, and I'm so thankful to God for them, and the ability that I have to love them, take care of them, and keep learning more about them. Animals are so honesty and real-- take horses, for example, when they spook at a leaf because they're really scared that something is going to jump out and chase them.
Animals aren't ashamed of anything like us. The way they are feeling is always so obvious. They love so unconditionally, but their trust of you is so easily broken. I think, sometimes there is a lot we need to learn from them, and even if not everyone feels this way about animals, I feel so blessed to have a such a love for them, and I know I won't ever be able to give that up.


Here's to Macy today.



You give and take away.
Blessed be your name.

The lone CO blog

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Today we finally arrived at our vacation destination in Colorado. Even though it’s in southern Colorado and the mountains here aren’t quite like the ones farther north, it’s beautiful here. This town is supposedly the mountain biking mecca of the country, which doesn’t necessarily float my boat, but it’s kind of cool that everyone here is just so active. The house we’re staying in is in a little cul-de-sac with about 5 other houses, most of which have permanent residents. When we arrived, the neighbors all basically flocked over to meet us. It was so nice and such a surprise, because that’s not quite so normal around home.
The way out here was a little tricky. We got caught in an awful storm coming into Colorado from Nebraska last night, and ended up losing the car top carrier after it flew open and a bunch of our things fell out. It literally was tornado weather, and we were stuck on the side of the highway, holding the carrier on with a bungee cord, and praying that the car wouldn’t roll with the wind, get struck by lightning, or be hit by someone else on the road. It was probably one of the most terrifying things that has ever happened to me. But, God definitely protected us, and although we weren’t able to go back and recover our things, that’s not what mattered at all. We stayed safe and made it through to the next town for the night, shaken up, but relieved and thankful that it wasn’t any worse.
Now everyone’s getting ready to go downtown for a little pizza. It’s technically only about 8:30 here, but in my time it’s almost 10:30 at night. This could take a little bit of adjusting.

Finally a warm enough day!

Today has been alright.
I had to work in the morning, but it's not hard or anything anymore, so it's no big deal. I just hate waking up at 7 or 7:30. It feels too early! Probably because I sleep a lot later on the days that I don't have to work. Not tomorrow though! Tomorrow I'm going to leave the house at like 6:30 am and go pick up my cats in Grand Rapids because they got fixed today. Fun stuff, let me say. Then I'm driving back home, and taking off for camp to pick up Dani and visit Jenny. =)
I can't wait!!! I finally get to see one of their rodeos!

There have been deer munching in the horse pasture for the last week or so. It's so funny and they're all so cute. Last night there were two little fawns in there. There must be some good grass growing in there since the horses left. Speaking of the horses, I miss them. I can't even think about it. And it's not just that I want to go just ride a horse or have a horse again or something. I want K-Rue and Buddy. It's so much more difficult than I expected. I was sitting around yesterday thinking "why is this summer so different than usual?" And I don't think it's because Jenny's gone, or because I have a different job or anything. It's because the horses are gone. All I used to do in the summer was take care of them and ride. I'm not even tan because I don't go out riding in my tank tops every day. I don't like it.

I'm sitting outside on the deck by the pool while a few girls are over swimming. It's nice out here tonight, finally, for a change. The sun is about to set, and I feel like I should be down at the beach instead. It was so pretty when I was down there on Saturday. It's a shame I don't go there more since I live right by it and I love it so much.
I need to hit the sack soon. It's gonna be an early morning.

Your light will shine

What a week it's been so far. I started out the week with the huge undertaking of riding my bike what ended up being 35 miles instead of 50 because of the wind. I actually sort of enjoyed it even though riding was so painful, especially the half going straight into the wind, but to my surprise my muscles weren't sore at all, which may just be some sort of miracle. My only explanation is that maybe bike riding uses a lot of the same muscles as horse-back riding, but I haven't even done much of that at all lately. That morning in church, the speaker had been talking about how God created EVERYTHING, so He can make anything happen. Honestly, during that bike ride, I had to remind myself that God could physically make my body do this. That's how hard it was, but it was so worth it to finish.

My friend Patty from school came up from Sunday night until this morning and it was so nice to hang out with someone from school. I hate to say it, but I could go back anytime. Oh well, I still have so much summer left ahead of me, and that feels good too. We went to see Transformers 2 yesterday afternoon, then last night we went to the Jason Aldean concert downtown. I didn't even know who he was, since he's a country singer, but I actually sort of liked it. ha. I told Patty I might have to switch to a little country for awhile, especially since Jenny will probably want to keep listening to it when she gets home.

I miss my horses. I know I keep saying it. I just want to see them so bad. Yesterday Patty and I went down to the barn I worked at to visit the horses. We groomed one of them for a few minutes and I showed Patty a few different things, and then we went to visit with the goats. I'm pretty sure no one ever cleans out their water buckets so I took a few minutes and did that and played with them a little. I need to go down there more and hang out with the animals. I miss that too.
Hopefully, like I've said time and time again, there could be a trip to Tennessee in the making for sometime in August. That would be absolutely amazing.
But, for now, I just painted my nails pink and I'm working on some laundry and stuff and praying for everyone up at camp this week and the things they're going through. At this point, its about all I have to do.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings, and crowned him with glory and honor.
You made him rule over the works of your hands, you put everything under his feet.
Psalm 8

Refreshed and provided for

I took my first solo mini vacation yesterday and drove up to camp to visit Jenny for a couple days. And I just have to say, I think that little trip is going to get me through at least the rest of the week, if not more. It was truthfully probably the best part of my summer so far, and I really needed that trip.
It was SO amazing to get to ride, and ride Holly at that, who is my favorite horse up there at camp. Jenny and I got to take her and another horse out alone on the trails, which was super fun, and were remembering the old times, when it was us and Bud and K-Rue. I've realized how much I actually need horses to live basically. I don't know, there's just something about being around horses, riding and taking care of them, that I can't get away from, and can't ever get enough of. I like it.
I just loved the atmosphere and the focus on God-- there's so much concern and care for the campers, and it's amazing how much of an impact camp has on the kids. The staff works so hard to make everything fun, and I saw in the two days I was there that the camper's lives were being changed.
It was fun to hang out with people too-- I met a bunch of new people over the course of just a day. Needless to say, I really didn't want to go home at all. I know I could have been up there for the whole summer, but I still think I made the right decision in being here for the summer for some reason, and I'm just glad I can go up to camp whenever I want to. I think my friend Mary and I are going to try to go up again as soon as our schedules align.

HE provides

It's been awhile since I've posted anything on here-- I think it's because last week just wasn't my best weeket ever. But hopefully I'm past that for the most part. It's hard with Jenny and my horses all gone. We had like our little "family" of the four of us and now I'm the only one here, and two of them are never coming back.
I also started my job this past week. At the meeting on Thursday I found out that I had to work on Friday, which I wasn't planning on. So I figured I'd have to be there until about lunch time on Friday-- nope! Four thirty or so. It was a long day, to say the least. But Saturday was a lot better, because the people I worked with were a little more entertaining and the area we were cleaning was a lot easier to clean. Working in housekeeping, though, makes me want to come home and clean because I feel like I've been cleaning so long that everything should just look perfect when I get home or something. Last night I came home from a party WAY before the rest of my family, so I cleaned like the whole house, watched TV and went to bed, all before they even came home.


Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or stow away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuble than they?
Matthew 6: 25-26

blog?

I always decide I want to update my blog, but when I sit down to do it I can't even think of what I wanted to say in the first place.

This morning I finally made myself get up and work out at a decent time. I was in the basement on the bike and I cracked the window a bit because I was so hot, and my cat Jane came up to the window and was trying to get in. She like layed on her side and stuck her paws through, thinking she could somehow figure out how to squeeze herself in.

This afterrnoon I babysatt for a few hours. I actually had a lot of fun. I took the kids outside on the swing set for a long time and they had a blast with it. Swinging is just fun. I really don't understand why people don't swing more. It's just amazing. Kids like being outside so much better than being inside, it's so much more interesting, I guess because of all the bugs and animals and everything going on outside. There's always something to look at or play with that can't be found in the house.

I really only have like three more days until work may start consuming my summer. Hopefully I can find some fun things to do before that happens. Yesterday I got bored enough to go down to the barn I used to work at and groom a horse just for the fun of it. I think I was having a little bit of horse withdrawl though-- that'll never go away. =) Sometimes I just need it.




Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from Heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God

Sadly...

I just realized, as I sat here adding Hillsong United music to my playlist online, that tonight would have been the night I would have been going to their concert if it hadn't been cancelled. Such a shame, I really wanted to go. Someday...

I finished my third book for the summer this morning-- The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult. It was basically about this teenage girl who was "raped" by her ex-boyfriend one night while she was drunk and trying to win him back. I don't want to give the book away to anyone who hasn't read it, but a bunch of terrible things end up happening, and the girl and her whole family end up learning a lot about themselves and how much they need each other.

I bought the final Jane Austen book that I needed to finish out my collection, so I'm going to read that next, and then maybe attempt to tackle Jane Eyre, but that's pretty thick and I'm not sure if I can handle reading it over the summer. If I don't finish it within like a week, I would probably just get frustrated and give up. I'm thinking I won't be reading so much when I start working next week.

I played my violin at church yesterday. It was really different playing by myself than with Jenny, because it was totally up to me what I did. I kind of liked it. I love playing at church, especially since it's about the extent of my violin-playing these days, which is sort of a shame, but that's how it goes I guess.
I'm so bored, I should probably do something for awhile. If only my school friends were here... we could get breadsticks.

GR. sort of.

I'm sitting in my dad's office in Grand Rapids. Waiting for 1:00 to roll around so I can leave to pick up Jenny at camp up north. It's only 8:51 at the moment. This could prove to be a longggggg morning. Oh well. It's kind of hilarious sitting here listening to people in the office. Sometimes it reminds me of The Office. There's this big copy and supply room and it's amazing. Someone told me I can sit in the extra cubicle. Yes, maybe I will sit in the extra cubicle and write my blog. That would be strange.
I'm freaking out a little bit, because I know my cat is at home giving birth at the moment. My mom called and said she was having them in a box on the deck. She's a first timer, so I'm a little worried. I like being there when they have them.

Last night was pretty fun though. Lea came over and we went to BOB EVAN'S for dinner! It was amazing. We both got strawberry stuffed french toast and hash browns or whatever they are. This old lady working there walked past and goes "Is that on your diet?!" We weren't sure whether it was a compliment or an insult... so we're pretending it was a compliment. Lea and I were coloring with crayons on the backs of our placemats, and our waiter Jon, who I'm pretty sure went to my high school, pretty much thought we were freaks. Right before we left, Lea wrote "I love Jon" on the placemat and outlined it with quarters from the tip. Awesome.
Then Brian came over, too, and the three of us had a fire. Lea and I pretty much started it ourselves... with some suggestions from Brian. haha. Then we went and climbed up into the loft of the shed next door at the rental house, just like old times when Jenny and Dani and I used to hang our feet out the little door up there and watch for the neighbor boys.
THEN we wandered around in the woods for awhile while it was getting dark, and Brian said he either saw a deer or a coyote run away when he came back up by the barn. I'm not sure. I'm thinking it was a deer.
After that we got out some s'mores stuff and found some branches to roast marshmallows on, and we sat on a blanket by the fire. I just have to say, it is so much better to sit on a blanket by the fire than to sit on a chair. But Lea and I were having a few issues because I kept putting paper in the fire and it was blowing out at her while on fire. She actually had to stop, drop and roll.
Then we got out my guitar for a bit and took turns playing it. Great times, great times. I'm glad we did that instead of going bowling.


This is where I'm wishing I was. Next summer =)

From the east side.

One of my best friends, Katy, drove over to Grand Rapids from the other side of the state to visit me today. We both totally stressed out about making plans for the day, but everything pretty much ended up working out for the most part.
First we went to the public museum downtown, which was cool, but I've been there my share of times, and I pretty much know everything in the museum. It's free for Grand Rapids residents on Mondays, though, and apparently going to school there counts as being a resident, so I didn't even have to pay! Woop!
After the museum, we were starving and headed over to this pizza place that I had a free pizza coupon for. The parking lot was packed, but the door was locked, and a guy came and informed us that "we don't open until 3 on Mondays now." Ummmm.... okay. You're a pizza place not open for lunch? Whatever. So much for my free pizza. The coupon expired today.
Instead, we went to the ice rink and skated for awhile, and it was really nice to get some exercise in the middle of the day. We were like the only people in the rink except for one other guy. There was this one girl there, I think she was a figure skater, and she walked around stomping like she was really mad, but I'm not sure she was. Katy and I laughed.
After Pizza Hut, we saw the movie UP in 3D at the theater. Great movie. I think the best part though, was this little clip of a story about some clouds before the movie-- those little stories before movies are always the best. I love the one on Ice Age too.
Then Katy left, because I had to bring my Dad home from work. We had a fun day, though, overall. It was nice to jsut chill for the whole day, and really nice to see Katy. =)

I laughed so hard I cried.

Last night my brother slept over at the neighbor's house, and for some reason called my sister to come pick him up in the car this morning. Which, to the three of us girls, seemed pretty pointless since he could walk home in about 5 seconds. So... we came up with a plan. Jenny gave in and told him she'd pick him up. Then all three of us piled in the car barefoot and headed over to the neighbor's. When my brother came out with his unrolled sleeping bag draped over his shoulders, and carrying a bunch of random stuff, Jenny switched the car into reverse and we backed out of there as soon as he got close to the car.
There was a car coming toward us down the road, but we kept on going. My brother ended up running down the dirt road after our car, carrying all of his stuff and dropping half of it on the road, and all the while there was still a car behind us just watching. Needless to say, the three of us laughed so hard that we cried. He was pretty upset by the fact that we actually pulled one over on him, and actually tried to hurt all of us. (He's a little stronger than he used to be...)
It was a great time, though. What would I do without them?
Jenny just told Dani that her self-portrait was creepy. See what goes on at this house???

Today.

I'm kind of exhausted today. I stayed out pretty late with some friends last night which was probably a mistake especially after giving blood because that wears me out anyway, but I didn't have anything else to do so it was all good.

When I woke up this morning and walked out of my bedroom, I realized that absolutely no one else was home, and they wouldn't be until later. It was sort of depressing to discover that I was all alone all day, especially when I figured out that I didn't have a car home either. So I cleaned for a good while, watched some TV of course, facebooked a few times, played some guitar.... and probably talked to the dog a good deal since she followed me around all day.

Finally my mom came home from work and Matt and Dani got home from school, but they were all just worn out and busy with other things, so I gave up on caring about the cold weather outside, put on some warmer pants and a jacket, and headed out to the barn to visit my kittens. They're not so nice, since they first saw people only a few days ago after coming home from their original birthplace underneath the neighbor's house. I fed them and let them eat for a few minutes, then decided that the barn was a complete mess so I took a broom to it. I was sweeping the floor and sweeping cobwebs off the walls and out of K-Rue's old stall when I realized it's been 2 whole months since the horses have been gone. How have I made it 2 months without my pony? I'm not sure. But I cried because all I wanted was for him to be standing there in the aisle where I always groomed him.

So, right now I'm hoping and praying that our family vacation this summer will take us through Tennessee for a couple days, because I could really use that. I still can't believe the horses are actually gone, and though I know there's no better place for them to be, even right now I don't think I'll ever get over missing them.



Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete. James 1:2-4

dayyyyyy trip! sort of...

Today was at least somewhat interesting. One of the first things I did this morning was work out- and I watched what I'm pretty sure was the season finale of The Office. Definitely a good way to get me through a workout, because I just get bored when I'm riding that bike in the basement. I think Jenny heard me laughing from upstairs because when I came up she asked me if it was funny. Duh, it's the office. =)

Then this afternoon Jenny and I drove over to Grand Rapids to my dad's office. The restaurant that his company owns, which is across the street, was hosting a blood drive, so of course I signed up. It was on a bus, which freaked me out at first because I get a little sqeamish about giving blood because I almost passed out once. But I got over that fact pretty quickly, especially when the nurse told me I had to calm down because my pulse rate was too high. Ooops.
It was the best blood-giving experience I've had so far though. Maybe I'm getting a little more used to it, or maybe it's because the beds were upright so you were really sitting, not laying down. I feel like that probably makes passing out less likely.

Jenny left from GR to go to camp for the night, but before she left she got this Chicken Caesar sandwich at Panera. I'm going back there just for one of those. It was amazing.

I just rode home with my dad and we stopped at the flooring store on the way to look for flooring for his new office building. He asked my opinion a few times and I couldn't help him. I can't do that type of thing. I feel like someone's going to have to help me big time with my house someday...




Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for

Sunshine???

I've been out of school now for almost a week. I have to say, it's been super nice to have pretty much nothing to do. I even read a whole book between Sunday afternoon and last night-- it was called The Last Sin Eater by Francine Rivers. It was about a tradition that used to be held in Europe and was carried over by the settlers who lived in the Appalachian mountains. The "sin eater" was an outcast of society whose job was, when someone died, to come and eat a meal placed out by the people, in effort to "eat" their sins and allow them to go on to heaven peacefully. The book basically just debunks this tradition when two kids find out about the gospel and realize that they don't need the sin eater to take away their sins-- they just need Jesus. It's a good story.

Yesterday was Memorial Day, so we went to the parade at my grandparent's house, which is always interesting, and always the same. I feel like there's always more and more people there who I don't know. We went to my other grandparent's house later, and even though it was really windy, a few kids went down to the lake and it turned out being super nice down there because the dunes were blocking the east wind. Matt had his skimboard out, and a bunch of us walked down to the channel.

I've finally unpacked most of my stuff from college. My room's been a crazy mess for a week and it's been driving me up the wall. I can't stand having a big mess. =)

I want to go to GR tomorrow and donate blood (sorry that sounds weird) and I really want to go to Tennessee.

1st day

I moved back home from college today.
Next year I need to have my parents or someone help me, because it was difficult alone.

I realized, though, that right now I have zero responsibilities-- no job for a couple more weeks, no horses, no schoolwork, no nothing. This hasn't happened to me since probably the summer before 8th grade.

Leaving college today was extremely sad. I really won't see everyone for about 3 months, which is just strange. My friend said she sobbed on the way home, while she was texting me and listening to the cd of sad songs that she made.

It feels like college really is my life now, so it's going to be another big adjustment to be home all summer, especially because I can't necessarily do whatever I want whenever I want to. I'll be anxious to get back in the fall I'm sure.

It was a long day, though. I only slept for about 3 or 4 hours last night because I went to the movies until midnight then came back to the dorm and studied more. I had my psyhcology exam this morning, then I cleaned my dorm room and bathroom and packed up all of my stuff nonstop from about 10:00 until 3:00. It was about 86 degrees outside, there was nowhere to park, and it was exhausting.

But I'm home now, sitting here with Izzy of course, and we're opening up the pool tonight. =)

Early morning in the good ol' library

7:30 seems way too early for a college student to be up. I have to say though, it’s much better than yesterday’s 6:30 am, just to get ready for church at 8:10.
My friend Annie decided we needed to come to the library to study this morning, and I’m glad she suggested it, because otherwise I probably would have slept until 10. But instead, I’m here “studying” for my philosophy final tomorrow. (this shows how focused I really am)
I’m really excited about this summer and I’m totally pumped that school is just about done for the year, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve just gotten used to the whole college thing, and I’m just starting to like it a lot more than I did at the beginning of the year. I had no idea it would take me so long to get used to it all, but it has. And now, I don’t really want to move home on Wednesday.
I shouldn’t be doing this right now, and I’ve been in the library for almost 3 hours already. But I’ll come up with something a little more interesting to write about later.

Study break

I'm in the middle of coming up with answers to the potential essay questions for my history exam on Saturday morning. Blah. Saturday morning? Since when is Saturday even a valid exam day?
I went home with my dad last night because I wanted to bring some things home and I didn't really have much to do here at school besides study. The first thing I did when I got home was clean out my closet, which by the way contained two whole garbage bags full of trash. Lame. And I'm still so confused about where to put everything when I bring it all home this weekend and next week.

There was a great storm last night, though, which started just about as I was going to bed. So of course Izzy was all upset about it and she basically was just wandering around upstairs and keeping me awake. Eventually I got her to cuddle with me on my bed so I calmed her down and we both fell asleep. I'm glad I had her because I was missing K-Rue pretty bad. I think I said it before, but it's so much worse to be at home, because he's just not there. I think I'm animal dependent. I'm gonna be an old cat lady.

Today after my orthodontist appointment I was randomly chatting with my friend Paige on facebook, and it turned out that she was at the library by her house, so Jenny (who was now home as well) and I headed over there to attempt to study while hanging out with Paige. I never thought hanging out in a library was even legit until this semester, but it is. It's hard to study when your friends are there, because everything just ends up being hilarious for some reason.

Well, I think that's it for now. I should get back to this essay-writing. I'd so much rather be packing up my room so I can bring everything home, but I do only have a few more days here and I know that if I don't put enough effort into these exams, I'll regret it. I want to do well!

Facebook is going SOOO slow

I have only 9 DAYS until I'm done with my freshman year of college. I can't believe it. When I think back to the beginning of the year, and some of the random things I've done this year, some seem so recent but others seem like forever ago. I've learned so much this year, not just school-wise, but about life in general and people in general, and I've also learned a LOT about myself.

I think I'm just finally getting somewhat used to the whole college thing, now that the year is coming to a close, but oh well. I'm really looking forward to spending the summer around home too-- especially hanging by the pool!!!!!!

Today Jenny and I attempted to make it to Dani's tennis meet at Forest Hills Central, but we got there just after she finished so we only stayed for about 5 minutes. It was a dissapointment, but still worth it just to visit with her for a sec. The best part was when some girl just randomly goes, "I wish I could look as tan as Dani!" I like cracked up. It was also really nice to turn the corner onto E. Paris on the way there and see a pasture full of Arabians, who happily decided to graze right up by the road. Made my day =) As much as Arabian horses can be a handful, they're just so amazing. I want one again. haha

The Bible study that I'm in on the floor ended tonight. I'm so glad I did it, because it really was enjoyable over all, even though half the time we were too busy to do it. It's nice just to have a group of girls to get to know on that level, and talk about stuff together without pressure. I think it'd be really fun to lead one next year since I'll be a sophomore, and I can take care of the freshman...... Yeah, I'll do that.

Speaking of taking care of.... I was thinking about a family I babysitt for awhile ago and I realized that they had another baby like a month ago. I still haven't seen it, and I don't even KNOW IF IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL!!!! It's killing me to not know all of the sudden. Random, but it's bothering me.

Oh boy. I've gotta start packing up some of my stuff. Maybe I'll head home with my father on Wednesday and bring some with me. Yes, I think I will. I can't WAIT to get out of this dorm room and be done being a freshman, even though technically I've been a sophomore all semester. But that doesn't really count. And after next year I'll be in the nursing program, which I think will be really different than normal "school." Can't wait!!!!


The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. Psalm 118:14

Psychology 151

There's something we do called self-serving bias-- where we make up excuses for why we can't do something, or why we failed.
People don't like failure. I don't. But do we ever put in 100% of the effort we should? I think a lot of times I don't put in 100% effort because I'm afraid of failing and knowing that I did the best I could but still wasn't good enough.
It's a way to protect ourselves to just not put ourselves fully into something, because we avoid the pain of failing to be good enough even with our best effort.

Something to think about.

Rounding up horses before breakfast

Today it's been a month since I left my horses back in Tennessee. When I'm at home, I wake up in the morning and still habitually look out the window only to realize that they're not out there waiting for me to come feed them. I wasn't really sure how I would feel once they were gone, but I have to say, it's really hard-- maybe because it was something I'd never gone through before. But it's really sad, because I just feel like part of me is missing.

This morning though, I came downstairs when I heard my dad yelling to my mom to come quick and look out the window. So I did too naturally. And umm, there was a horse out there. So I grabbed some carrots and slowly walked out so I didn't scare him away. First he was a little reluctant to take my carrots, but once he had one, he followed me right into Buddy and K-Rue's old pasture. And he's been there since. I'm pretty sure he's one of my neighbor's horses, apparently Cougar, but whoever he is, I like having him around for the day. =)